Punisher: War Zone (2008)

Tagline: Vengeance has a name.

Curiosity: I love the original so gosh dang much. When my buddy Scott pulled me aside and whispered in his sweet cadence “Let me take you to the War Zone,” I couldn’t help but bite my lower lip and exhale in anticipation, in exhilaration, in a way that only the young and alive and slightly weird can comprehend. [NOTE: Actually, I was drunk and Scott suggested we watch the Punisher behead gangsters.]

Plot: Gangsters are all like “Let’s party! Nothing can go wrong!” But then a thing does go wrong, and this thing is the Frank Castle (Ray Stevenson, Rome), a.k.a. the Punisher. He punishes these gangsters with all sorts of stabbings and shootings for what I’m sure were very good reasons. To celebrate the death of everyone he knows, surviving baddy Billy (Dominic West, The Wire… what’s up with all these critically acclaimed thespians?) runs away to a recycling plant. After accidentally killing an undercover cop, Castle knocks Billy into a big ol’ tub of glass shards. Also the shards are spinning around, which is not conducive to Billy’s face.

After undergoing a (horse) skin transplant for his face, Billy changes his name to Jigsaw and tries to take Castle down. Explosions are made. Bodies get stabbed.

Thoughts: While I prefer Dolph Lundgren (of course!!!), Stevenson is pretty good in War Zone, and the film overall is pretty great considering how little there is to work with. The Punisher is an angry dude who kills bad guys instead of arresting them. While there aren’t many comic book characters that do that, there have been hundreds of action movies with that premise, so the plot isn’t exactly the best, most original stuff.

But the movie hits all the notes I’d want from a B-movie. Castle shoots shit, has a moment of reflection, and deals with outlandish villains. War Zone works in more Punisher characters than the other movies, like Jigsaw and Micro (Wayne Knight). It’s not perfect, but it also opens with a decapitation scene, so…

ALSO ALSO ALSO, can we talk about T.J. Storm for a second? Storm plays an Irish pirate black guy henchman, and Scott and I can't figure out what inspired him to use such a terrible accent. The dude's from Indiana. Also he looks delicious:

Reflection: Needs more Dolph.