Tagline: Blood surfing… It’s new, it’s extreme, it’s deadly…
Curiosity: Surfers use chum to attract sharks while they’re surfing! Then they get attacked by a giant crocodile!!
Plot: Surfers use chum to attract sharks while they’re surfing! Then they get attacked by a giant crocodile!!
That really is the premise, right there. Oh sure, there’s some other stuff, like the old guy who’s been hunting the crocodile for years (in between violent sex sessions with his special lady friend). And pirates show up at some point – because why not? – but mostly this movie is about a couple of idiots like bleedin’ and surfin’.
Thoughts: Talk about your squandered potential. Blood Surf is so hung up on having its characters fight a giant crocodile puppet that it sacrifices other, better ideas in the process. It could have been a movie about surfers who fight pirates! It could have been about how insanely stupid it is to cut your feet in the stupid hopes of getting sharks to follow you while you stupidly surf your stupid wave.
STUPID.
Instead, Blood Surf keeps coming back to croco-puppets, which really puts a damper on all the softcore imagery and forehead-slapping dialogue. Goddamnit.
Just to be clear: Don’t use blood to attract sharks to your surfing form. They already think surfers look like seals. And now you’re fucking with their killer instincts! They don’t even like the taste of human flesh, you dick!
Reflection: What am I doing with my life?
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