Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

Tag line: Revenge is coming. OH SNAP!

Curiosity: Optimus Prime rules!

Thoughts: Depending on your perspective, Michael Bay’s Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is either a thinly veiled racist shot at black culture, or a totally awesome action movie with some really boring racist/sexist jokes. Either you’re going to be repulsed by the sight of ebonic-speaking, illiterate robots (with gold teeth!), or you’re going to be bored until Optimus Prime shows up to rip Decepticons’ faces off. I fall into the latter camp.

With this sequel, Bay remakes his original Transformers movie (Shia LaBeouf has important robo-knowledge! The Decepticons want it!), but with several improvements: More robots, more explosions, more Optimus, fewer humans. The original, while still a solid sampling of brainless entertainment, was too weighed down by non-robots. John Voight, John Turturro, that guy from Law & Order, and that Australian chick had way too much expository dialogue. At least Bernie Mac had the good sense to make with the funny and then get the hell out of the Transformers’ way. Fallen makes the wise decision of recycling a tried ‘n’ true plot but shedding some of the cast. Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson return as oh-so-cute bickering Marines, the Witwicky clan is back, and Megan Fox reprises her role as a stunted sex object (CREEPY FACT: The first shot of Fox’s rear end scored an ovation from the crowd at my screening). Turturro returns as a comedic foil, and generally succeeds.

With fewer faces, Fallen makes room for more Transformers, with a new villain and a host of new old Autobots. None of them get much dialogue, but Sideswipe has an impressive battle early on while Jetfire proves integral to the plot. Otherwise, the film builds on previous characters. Megatron and Starscream’s relationship is gleefully expanded on, while Bumblebee has some incredible fight scenes. Ironhide continues to be cranky. Fallen has a better sense of pacing and angles. The original’s frenetic camera style made the transformers a blurred mess, but the sequel gives viewers plenty of scope, as well as some succulent slow-motion hits.

The real star, though, is Prime. By including him from the start, Fallen allows Prime to feature into nearly every fight scene, and he’s always the best part. Dude jumps out of helicopters, throws down judo, wields dual blades, and does some other cool spoiler-y things that I don’t want to ruin. Voice actor Peter Cullen gets all the best lines, and his delivery is consistently the most evocative. The sooner Bay drops human characters altogether, the better.

It is because of Prime (and, to a lesser extent, the other non-racial caricature Transformers) that Fallen succeeds as a sci-fi/action movie. There’s still plenty to hate about it, though. Mrs. Whitwicky is hyperactively unfunny, especially when she “accicentally” ingests pot brownies. The dick ‘n’ farts jokes are absurdly plentiful, especially in the humping department. Fox even gets humped by a mini-transformer named Wheelie (no relation, thankfully, to the cartoon character). The film’s early middle portion, in which LeBeouf goes off to college, makes for a painfully shitty half-hour or so with its party-all-the-time clichés and Bad Boys II references (I guess Martin Lawrence could use the money?).

Reflection: The one truly deplorable aspect of the movie is Reno Wilson as Mudflap and Tom Kenny as Skids, the pair of bumbling blackfaced bots. Granted, Wilson is black, but the stereotypes Bay tries to dig up are awkwardly unfunny. I’m especially disappointed in Kenny. He’s built a comic legacy of sorts with roles in Spongebob Squarepants and Mr. Show; there’s no way he needed to do this minstrel bit. It retroactively makes Jazz’s jive talk from the first film subtle. My sole consolation is that the same audience that cheered Fox’s ass didn’t laugh a single time at the film’s black jokes.

But then Optimus Prime rolls out and makes me feel like a kid again, returning my childhood’s innocence with his cold, mechanical hands of death. Hopefully, the third Transformers flick will drop the racial stereotypes and focus on what fans really want: Autobots fighting Decepticons, got-dammit.