Taboo (2002)

Tagline: Would you ever…?

Curiosity: The lady and I were looking for a cheesy horror film to laugh at. Taboo sounded promising, but double hate-fucked us by first being terrible, then deeply disturbing.

Plot: A group of six rich preppy friends who deeply, deeply hate each other play a game of “Taboo,” in which they have to answer screwed up personal questions, almost all of which start with some form of “Would you ever have sex with a…?” The questions hit a little too close to home and, one year later, somebody starts offing the other five during a storm.

Thoughts: This has to be one of the cheapest-looking horror films I’ve ever seen, and I just went to an Ed Wood screening like a week ago. The entire story is set in one very large mansion, instances of blood are kept to a minimum and shot from a distance, and the cast never extends beyond the core six. The pacing is atrocious, and the dialogue is generally even worse. Characters flip on each other for no particular reason, to the point where you start to wonder why these folks are friends.

But mostly, I just want to know why no one thought to fucking call 911 once the murders start. At the very least, screenwriter Chris Fisher could have thrown in a line of dialogue like, “Oh, the phones are down.”

That said, Taboo, when taken as a whole, is more of a fiasco than a failure. It’s meant to be disturbing, and it ultimately succeeds by its end. But the first hour or so is an agonizing stretch of catty comments and poorly drawn stereotypes. What’s more, the stereotypes aren’t even that stereotypical – the token slut is said to have partaken in a threesome. At her boyfriend’s request. Oh my word! The result is a poor man’s Funny Games, in that it’s poorly made but still makes you feel like a dirtbag for watching it.

For such a cheap-looking movie, Taboo bagged a few actors who showed real talent elsewhere. The leads are Nick Stalhl, post-Disturbing Behavior but pre-Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines and a pre-Mad Men January Jones. Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s Amber Benson and a post-American Pie Eddie Kaye Thomas slum it out too. The other two actors were in… Mummy an’ the Armadillo? I want to see this, just to find out how the title relates to the plot.

Oh and uh… don’t see this movie. It sucks for the first hour or so, and then it gets all types of fucked up. And not ironically funny fucked up either. More like in a “Welp, my girlfriend doesn’t want to cuddle anymore but that’s OK because now I don’t want anyone to touch me ever again” way.

Reflection: They never talk about bestiality. Howsabout that?! Also, I would just like to state for the record that looking up Youtube clips and stills for this movie has been really disturbing for me.