Ninja Vengeance (1988)

Tagline: You can't fight the evil forces of power without the power of force. Give whoever wrote that lil nugget a raise!

Curiosity: It was either this or The Wild One with Marlon Brando. I chose… poorly.

Plot: Not to be confused with Revenge of the Ninja, Ninja Vengeance revolves around an American ninja, the fearsomely named Chris, as he journeys to a convention or whatever. But his sweet motorcycle breaks down in Texas, which Chris’s training in deception and death cannot rectify. After going to a mechanic [Best, unnecessarily angry line of the film: “So you want me to FIX THIS FOR YA?!”], Chris gets caught up in local Texas politics, which apparently involves huge, heaping amounts of racism.

After he witnesses the death of a black law student, Chris knows what he must do: Run like the dickens. Yes, a majority of Ninja Vengeance is about running away from the Ku Klux Klan. Here’s the one good fight scene:

Thoughts: This flick is in a hurry to go nowhere. Flash the opening title – BAM! – cut to a quick explanation of ninjitsu – WHAM! – and then here come the boobs – BOOBS! – and then… nothing happens for like 40 minutes. Chris walks around town watching racism in action. And what racism it is! That law student I mentioned gets hassled for trying to order the breakfast special at a diner. How dare he try to eat well AND save money? The noive!

I’m a little confused by the Ninja Vengeance title, since Chris does very little ninjitsu and even less avenging. He’s got this one flip move that he uses a lot, but mostly he just runs from racist cops with the daughter of a Klan member in tow. Dude spends a lot of time saying things like, “I’m not supposed to fight! Ohhhhh…” Hand wringing abounds.

Reflection: How many ninja movies can you name that prominently feature banjo music? The answer may surprise you.

UPDATE: So, I watched The Wild One, and it's actually worse. Assholes on motorcycles for 90 minutes. Got-damn youths, why I grumble, grumble...