Legendary (2010)

Tagline: Some legends are born out of struggle.

Curiosity: The Marine. ’Nuff said.

Plot: Cal (Devon Graye) is a scrawny, dorky nerd-geek. I mean, he wears glasses! But he wants to be a manly man like his ne’er-do-well brother Mike (John Cena) and deceased father by becoming a wrestler. Against the wishes of his angsty mother (Patricia Clarkson), he contacts Mike and together they start training for wrastlin’. Danny Glover shows up as a magical black guy on occasion to say stuff like “Some legends are made from the sweat of men who rise to the problems of their day” or some shit.

Thoughts: Folks, my college roommates and I are huge fans of the international hit The Marine. We originally went to see it as a joke, but it’s actually one of the best action flicks of all time. It made me swear allegiance to Cena. And while that fandom was rewarded by Cena’s next flick, 12 Rounds, Legendary has left me questioning my life’s ambitions. The film has a made-for-TV quality that permeates its every aspect.

The dialogue is hammy and clunky throughout. I sometimes wonder if the writer John Posey knows what young people sound like. Romantic interest Luli (Madeleine Martin) is meant to be alternative or goth or whatever, and plenty of people comment on how she is thoroughly weird, but ultimately she’s just a pale kid with black hair. Everything she says and does is exactly like all the other Southern teens in town. The film also wastes obvious talents like Clarkson (The Green Mile, The Untouchables) and Glover (Predator 2… and some other stuff). Clarkson is reduced to screaming and crying all the time; Glover sadly gets the worst dialogue. That dude was in Angels in the Outfield, Be Kind Rewind, and The Royal Tenenbaums. He deserves better. This role should have been given to Ric Flair.

Still, the emotional core of the movie lies in Cal and Mike’s relationship, and Graye and Cena deliver. It helps that they kind of look like they could be brothers, but the scenes where they talk about wrestling have a believable warmth to them. That said, watching Cena here is painful in places. Acting is sort of like tennis; you need to be with people of your own ability. Clarkson acts with her entire body; Cena says words. Their scenes together feel… uneven. Still, the film generally sticks to Cena’s strengths. He can fight and be angry. But I think someone needs to take advantage of his comedic chops soon.

Reflection: I don’t think I’m going to buy Fred: The Movie. OR WILL I?