Gremlins (1984)

Tagline: What you see... isn’t always what you get.

Curiosity: I haven’t watched this film in like 15 years; I’d say it’s due for a revisiting.

Plot: Inventor Randall Peltzer (Hoyt Axton) is trying to hock some of his creations when he stumbles upon a mysterious creature called a mogwai (Howie Mandel). It’s cute, fluffy, and named Gizmo, and it would make a perfect Christmas gift for Peltzer’s son, Billy (Zach Galligan). After Gizmo’s owner, Mr. Wing (Keye Luke), refuses on the grounds that mogwai are too difficult to raise, his grandson (John Louie) sneaks the pet out and gives to Randall. There are three key rules for raising mogwai:

1. Don’t let it near bright light, especially direct sunlight.
2. Don’t let it touch water.
3. Don’t feed it after midnight.

When Billy botches these guidelines, there’s shenanigans a-doing.

Thoughts: I’m really surprised my parents let me watch Gremlins when I was a kid. While it was only rated PG, it’s awfully violent. Of course, given that it’s a horror-comedy from director Joe Dante (The Howling, Piranha), I guess I should’ve known. Still, there were so many scenes that I flat out did not remember: Mrs. Peltzer (Frances Lee McCain) brutally slaughtering three gremlins in a row. Phoebe Cates’ disturbing monologue about her dad. The presence of Corey Feldman. On a really uncomfortable note, I never picked up on the quasi-racist “Ancient Chinese secret” tone of the film’s opening scene before. The ’80s were a great time for making Western films that totally bullshitted Chinese culture (Helloooo Big Trouble in Little China).

Gosh dang do I love this movie, for the reasons above and more. The cast is great, and Gizmo looks awesome. He is legitimately adorable, and I would totally buy a mogwai if they A) were real and B) didn’t come with the three rules attached. I just know I’d fuck that up within 24 hours. Gremlins strikes me as yet another childhood favorite that could never be made today, in that no one would be able to handle the violence, dark humor, slapstick, and (potential) racism. Well, maybe Guillermo del Toro, but I’ve yet to see him handle comedy. He’d prolly CG Gizmo anyway. Boo-urns.

Reflection: Got-damn I love my mom and dad.