Tagline: Luke Skywalker and Han Solo battle evil Imperial forces to help Chewbacca reach his imperiled family on the Wookiee planet – in time for Life Day, their most important day of the year!
Curiosity: It is the single most reviled moment in Star Wars history. Yes, more than Attack of the Clones. When I decided to do a week of shitty Christmas movies, this was the first title that popped into my head.
Plot: Imperial forces are pursuing Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew) and Han Solo (Harrison Ford), much to Chewie’s dismay as he’s trying to make it home for Life Day, the vague Wookie equivalent of Christmas or Hanukah or whatever. Meanwhile, his wife Malla, father Attichitcuk, and son Lumpawarrump grow anxious when Chewie doesn’t show. They become so anxious that the show follows their exchanges for about 10 minutes. That’s right, the first scene after the opening credits consists of 10 minutes worth of Wookies doing that weird mix of walruses, bears, and whatever the fuck. If only Wall-E could be this ambitious in its defiance of dialogue. From there, the Wookie clan divides time between preparing for Life Day and trying to find Chewie. Musical numbers, surprisingly bloodless battles with stormtroopers, and weird sex fetishes abound. Boba Fett does some stuff too.
Thoughts: The Star Wars Holiday Special has only been officially shown once, when it aired on CBS in 1978. It has never been rebroadcast or officially released on VHS, Laserdisc, DVD, or Blu-ray. You can watch the entire special – just shy of two hours with commercials – below. Merry fucking Christmas, assholes.
I have two regrets in watching this: 1) I didn’t see it in its entirety until after the new trilogy broke my heart and 2) I wasn’t drunk during the viewing. Even with the new films taken into consideration, TSWHS is by far the worst Star Wars installment. Oddly enough, even though George Lucas hates it and had next to nothing to do with it, he still considers it canon. That means this really did take place in between A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back. Ugh.
I entered the film with high hopes for low culture, though. And for the first half-hour or so, the special really is surreal tits a go-go. The whole cast is introduced as actors, except R2D2 is billed as himself. Like I said before, the first major scene is completely English-free. The Wookies roar and grunt at each other for a long-ass time. Little Lumpy watches some sort of futuristic Cirque de Soleil shit on his holoboard. It’s trippy enough on its own, even more so given its surroundings. Ford’s line readings are deliciously flat; he clearly does not care.
But the best moment comes when Attichitcuk gets a virtual reality doohickey from Shaun Dann (Art Carney, The Honeymooners… this guy is so much better than the special deserves) and pretty much uses it to have virtual sex… with a black chick (Diahann Carroll). Sample line: “Oh yes, I can feel my creation!” It’s the most beautiful yet horrifying scene, letting Star Wars fans know that Wookie males also grow up to be old pervs.
After the first 30 minutes, though, the film pretty much nosedives. Lumpy watches a Star Wars cartoon that’s actually good, all things considered, but other than that it’s
Reflection: Wookie-bation is the best ’bation?
check another review of this in thatguywiththeglasses.com, from a person called the nostalgia critic, this is painful to watch
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