Instant Justice (1987)

Tagline: The star of “Streets of Fire” unleashes a fury of Top-Gun entertainment. See what they did there? With the referencing other movies?

Curiosity: I have a thing for films about Marines.

Plot: When his sister Kim (Lynda Bridges) is murdered by drug-dealing Spaniards, it’s up to her Marine brother Scott Youngblood (Michael Paré, Eddie and The Cruisers) to avenge her death. His only comrades are an erotic photographer (some bald guy) and high class prostitute Tawny Kitaen (Tawny Kitaen), although his new found military friend Major Davis (Charles Napier, who’s been in plenty of better movies) helps out from time to time as well. Scott is driven by vengeance, and he’ll beat up every Spaniard in his way to find his sister’s killer.

Thoughts: Given the title, you can imagine how I surprised I was to learn that Instant Justice was 101 minutes long. The justice enacted here is not instantaneous. Scott flies to Spain from frickin’ America. He had to file paperwork so he could take leave from his duties beating up terrorists so he could fly a long ass way to beat up drug dealers. Then when he gets to Spain, he has to go through some hoops (a.k.a. cronies) to obtain his coveted justice. All in all, this justice probably took two to four weeks. Probably more; I have no idea how long it takes to request a leave of absence in the armed forces.

But while the title let me down, the acting did not. The dialogue is so riddled with clichés that I was able to predict upcoming lines with decent accuracy. The audio was awful, with awkwardly inserted ADR bits that don’t flow with the original sound whatsoever. Coupled the filmmakers decision to avoid sound effects – dig those silent crotch-kicks – the movie feels much more low budget than Warner Bros. is probably willing to admit. The ’80s fashions are hilarious. Paré looks OK, but Kitaen looks like… well, here’s a clip. It’s in Spanish, but you’ll get the visual gist:

My favorite part was at the end, when Kitaen keeps looking down at Paré’s junk. ACTING!

After a whole lot of running and yelling, Scott finally starts to approach something with justice-like properties during the film’s final 10 minutes, but by that point, I was too sleepy to care much. Still, Instant Justice made for a decent late night romp.

Reflection: No wait, I could’ve been watching The Simpsons season five.