Hard Rock Zombies (1985)

Tagline: Their farewell concert is to die for!

Curiosity: I saw this DVD at a Superfresh for $1.98. With a title and price like that, how could I say no? Afterwards I found out that the film was made on the fly more or less without a script.

Plot: A self-described hard rock group bearing a sound reminiscent of, oddly enough, Huey Lewis & The News, travels to a small town that doesn’t take too kindly to schmaltzy hard rockers with mustaches. Luckily, the group, led by homoerotic frontman Jessie (E.J. Curcio), finds a haven with creepy/foxy lady Elsa (Lisa Toothman). Unluckily, she lives with Adolph Hitler (Jack Bliesener) and his werewolf wife (Susan Prevatte), and they kill the band. Luckily, Cassie (Jennifer Coe), the awkward underage object of Jessie’s affections, plays a song that brings them back from the dead as… HARD ROCK ZOMBIES. Unluckily, other zombies show up too.

Nazi midgets come into play at some point too.

Thoughts: For the first 50 minutes or so, Hard Rock Zombies is the best movie I’ve ever purchased, if we compare quality to cost. At $1.98 [plus tax], I can say I got my money’s worth. The film promised me zombies, rock music, and Hitler. It delivered all three most hilariously. It’s a shame the second half stretches the premise out too thin, because the movie really is just amazing up to a point. It’s kitschy and ridiculous, but not so much that it becomes annoying.

Of course, most of what makes the movie so fantastic is its incredibad quality. The music blows. The Hitler subplot just seems so weird. Best of all, the zombies don’t follow any of the “zombie rules” that us good, God-fearing abide by. Think now: What body part do zombies love munching on the most?

BRAAAAAAIIIINNNNSSSS. Yet in Hard Rock Zombies, that’s actually the last thing the ghouls are interested in. Heads in general, actually, which the monsters avoid for reasons never really explained, although it does lead to one funny scene in which townspeople try dressing up as giant heads to dissuade the zombies from eating them. Also, the Hard Rock Zombies walk like robots. Good times.

Reflection: I watched this movie first thing in the morning, and it gave me the drive I needed to succeed in the work place!