Next of Kin (1989)

Tagline: A man murdered in cold blood. But they didn't count on his brother’s revenge!

Curiosity: Patrick Swayze *swoon*

Plot: When Italian mobsters led by Joey Rosselini (Adam Baldwin) killed truck driver Gerald Gates (Bill Paxton), they weren’t counting on his family’s vengeance (as discussed above). On one side is Truman (da Swayz), a do-gooder cop who plays by the rules, and Briar (Liam Neeson), a bat shit insane mountain man who will stop at nothing to avenge his brother’s death. One has a ponytail, the other a creepy, scraggily beard. Shit is ’bout to get real in this hicks vs. degos battle of the stereotypes.

Thoughts: I respect the filmmakers behind Next of Kin, partially because they make no attempt to make their film realistic. The movie portrays Chicago and the wilds of Kentucky as being right next to each other. Truman manages to pull off all manner of double-crosses that he could never have possibly seen coming. And of course, being an ’80s movie, bullets miss the good guys by miles.

I also respect the film for its dogged refuse to cast ethnically appropriate actors. Swayze’s Texan accent doubles for a Kentuckian one, but watching Irishman Neeson overact his Southern accent is at times funny (He’s so much more cartoonishly Southern than anyone else in the picture) and sad (I mean, dude’s a good actor, ya know? It hurts watching him flounder in a B-movie). Also of interest are Baldwin and a young Ben Stiller, who play Italian mobsters.

Oh! Oh! I also respect the filmmakers for killing off Bill Paxton. Dude has made a career getting killed off by the greats – an alien in Aliens, the Terminator in Terminator, and a predator in Predator 2 – so it’s cool watching him get plugged by Jayne from Firefly.

But mostly, I respect the cast and crew for allowing this little snippet of foreplay between Swayze and love interest Helen Hunt:

“You wanna play it on my teeter-totter ahehehehehe?”

I won’t bother putting this come-on in context because, really, there is no context. There is no way you could say that to your significant other and think you are being sexy. Even better is that the line sounds like it was added in during ADR. I can see Swayze, who’s pretty great in the movie, agonizing over the line, trying to hit the timbre just so. Or maybe he just said it once as a joke and it got left in. I’ll never know.

But I will use this line on my girlfriend. Bonus points for saying it in front of her parents!

Reflection: Swazye really did have an awesome career.