D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994)

Tagline: The puck stops here.

Curiosity: I loved D2 just as much as the original Ducks movie back in the day. Surely this one holds up too…?

Plot: Picking up right about where the original left off, Gordon Bombay (Emilio Estevez) leaves Minneapolis for a chance as a hockey player. He’s about to enter the NHL when he blows his knee out at a minor league game. Back home, he hooks up with Jan (Jan Rubes), brother of sports store owner Hans from the original film, and settles into a life of shilling athletic equipment when OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE he becomes coach of the U.S. hockey team for the Junior Goodwill Games. He rounds up some of the old ducks, scores some new ones, and takes on the world.

And by “world,” I just mean Iceland. Evil, evil Iceland.

Thoughts: Oh. Oh wow. That’s not… that’s not how hockey works. At all. One of the things I like about The Mighty Ducks is its local scope. It could have been set anywhere, characters debate about whether or not “it’s just a game,” moral lessons are gleaned from believable actions. None of that happens in D2. It’s louder and shinier and the uniforms are a little bit cooler, but nothing makes sense. Characters use moves that would never possibly work in a real game. They do things that would totally get them penalized, like icing and hitting a guy in the chest with a hockey stick five or six times in a row. They focus on broad ethnic stereotypes, whereas the original only stereotyped inner city youths. There’s a big difference, boy-o. Also making super badass Fulton Reed (Elden Henson) a Grateful Dead fan just seems counterintuitive and/or lame as balls.

Still, the film is not without its highlights. Estevez is still pretty cool, even though it becomes clear that Bombay is incapable of being nice once he puts on a suit. It’s nice shorthand, but wow. Bombay + suit = total dick. Charlie (Joshua Jackson) is so dang cute and loveable. Otherwise, this one’s pretty stupid.

Reflection #1: I know it’s ignorant, but this movie is the reason why I can’t trust Icelanders. Not completely.

Reflection #2: It’s bullshit that Bombay uses a duck call to recruit the Ducks. He never used that hit in the first movie. You expect me to believe all of the kids would make the connection? Reed doesn’t even know when the U.S.A. was formed! Unbelievable!