Hocus Pocus (1993)

Tagline: It’s just a bunch of Hocus Pocus!

Curiosity: This was one of my favorite films as a kid, and as it turns out, this movie was way more effed up than I realized back in ’93. Also my friend Nick asked me to take a break from all the horror movies because he is afraid of shadows and loud noises. So, this one’s for you, ya wuss.

Plot: The Sanderson sisters – Winifred (Bette Midler), Sarah (Sarah Jessica Parker), and Mary (Kathy Najimy) – are witches living in Salem, Mass. during the 1600s. As you might imagine, they’re not very popular, though they do manage to DEVOUR THE LIFE FORCE of a little girl and turn her brother, Thackery Binx (played by Sean Murray, but voiced by Jason Marsden, because that guy has been in every Disney project from the last like 20 years so why not?), into an immortal cat. Turns out kid-icide is frowned upon in the New World, and the sisters are hanged. They swear they’ll come back for revenge when a virgin lights “the Black Candle.” Given that they don’t struggle against their nooses, I’m assuming their necks were broken and they died instantly (Like all of the best family entertainment, Hocus Pocus is surprisingly fucked up).

Fast-forward to 1993. California transplant Max (Eerie, Indiana’s Omri Katz) hates living on the East coast, although he does have a thing for classmate Allison (The Hills Have Eyes’ Vinessa Shaw). Like most Californians, Max thinks the rest of America blows chunks, so much so that he acts like a total dick to his sister Dani (a very young Thora Birch, who went on to make seminal flicks like Ghost World and American Beauty) over trick or treating for Halloween! Unbelievable. Anyway, Max begrudgingly takes Dani out, she talks to Allison about her “yabbos,” and the three explore the Sanderson sisters’ house.

This is where bad things occur. See, Max, like Nimrod and Icarus before him, decides to mess with things he doesn’t fully comprehend. By which I mean, he lights the Black Candle because he thinks he’s a badass, thereby resurrecting the Sanderson sisters for one night, All Hallow’s Eve. They renew their interest in eating kids, the kids try to fight back with the help of Binx the cat, and their parents totally don’t understand. Bummer!

Also, there are two song sequences.

Thoughts: Hocus Pocus has an awful lot of sex jokes for a Disney film. My favorite:

Winifred Sanderson: We desire... children.
Bus Driver: Hey, it may take me a couple of tries, but I don't think there will be a problem.

Ewwwwww. My other favorite moment comes when Allison, in a disturbingly random gesture, decides that the only way to beat the witches is to set them on fire. This is a thought which she follows through to its logical, burning conclusion. I should mention that Allison is arguably the most resourceful character in the film and gets the most done.

Which brings me to another point: Max is dangerously idiotic. He reminds me of Danny Madigan from Last Action Hero, in that he’s essential to kicking off the story, but completely useless in resolving it and annoying as heck along the way.

Final thought: I had no idea that this movie bombed when I was a kid. My family and I have seen it probably close to 100 times, and it never dawned on me that people hated this movie. I mean, it’s about witches and Halloween and adolescence! How cool is that? And it definitely never occurred to me that Hocus Pocus could be a cult film until Wikipedia posited the idea to me. But I think that’s what makes a cult film – something that a select few understand and love on its own terms. It doesn’t have to be exceptionally weird and it doesn’t have to try hard to achieve its cult status, or at it shouldn’t. It just has to be, man. Which I supposed means Hocus Pocus is one of the most genuine artistic statements of all time.

Reflection: I think “yabbos” means “boobs.”