Romero rip-offs

Taglines: Figure out which is which without using IMDb! You could just move away, but that would ruin the movie. / She’s to Die For. / Shoot the dead. AHAHAHAHAHA.

Curiosity: Just wanted to make sure that Zombi 2 was the best George A. Romero knockoff.

Plots: Children of the Living Dead is a cheapie sequel to Night of the Living Dead executive produced by Night’s co-writer John Russo, in which zombies double as rapists. Dead mainstay Tom Savini has a cameo as a zombie killer in the film’s opening flashback to the events of Night. Return of the Living Dead 3 is an alternate universe sequel to Night in which zombies are created by the government using a chemical called Trioxin. When totally dark youth Curt Reynolds (J. Trevor Edmond, Meatballs 4), the son of one government operative, accidentally kills his equally alternative girlfriend Julie Walker (Melinda Clarke, The O.C.) in a bogus motorcycle accident, he reanimates her using Trioxin. Their relationship is surprisingly OK after that, considering he killed her and all. BUT THEN SHE GOES CRAZY AND STARTS EATING PEOPLE ONOS. Diary of the Dead, which was actually made by Romero so I guess I’m a dick for calling it a knockoff, is another alternate universe take in which the zombie apocalypse doesn’t kick in until after the Internet’s rise to prominence. What follows is a documentary about zombies told through guerilla-style filmmaking. It’s like The Blair Witch Project with zombies, except the film pauses after before and after every big scare to discuss its meaning. Bogus.

Thoughts: Diary of the Dead is the strongest of the bunch, if only because it has some sort of concept behind it (How would the zombie apocalypse have gone if we had YouTube?), and because it has Samuel the deaf Amish farmer:

Sadly, he doesn’t stick around long. But he does go out like a badass:

What derails Diary is its crappy dialogue and worse acting. Although, I’m not sure anyone could salvage a line like “It used to be us versus us. Now it was us versus them. Only they ... were us.”

Children of the Living Dead is easily the worst of the bunch. Nearly unwatchable, the audio editing is atrocious, with dialogue coming from unmoving mouths and gunshot sounds rarely synching up with gunshots. It’s not even really a sequel to Night of the Living Dead. After Savini’s initial 15 minutes or so, the film flashes forward to an unrelated story about drunken horny teens who want to party in a graveyard. Very stupid.

This puts Return of the Living Dead 3 in the middle. Not as bad or as cheap-looking as Children, it does bring an interesting concept to the table – How does it feel to be a zombie? Apparently, it makes you way more goth, as Julie inflicts extreme amounts of pain on herself in order to feel alive. Hopefully, Romero’s upcoming Survival of the Dead, in which families debate over what to do with loved ones once they’re infected by zombies, can address the issue better, although I have this lingering doubt that Dawn of the Dead handled the question better (THEY’RE FUCKING ZOMBIES AND THEY WILL EAT YOU DEAD). Getting back to Return, the film comes off awfully racist in its attempts to be edgy, although there are a few nifty special effects shots.

Reflection: Yep, Zombi 2 is the best.