Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

Tagline: Discover the origin of the first avenger.

Curiosity: My man Chris Evans plays Marvel’s best piece of political commentary, Captain America.

Plot: Scrawny Steve Rodgers (Evans) just wants to serve his country, but with all his health ailments, the armed forces continually reject him. Finally, though, he meets German ex-pat scientist Dr. Erskine (Stanley Tucci), who admires his dedication to a moral life that defies flags and governments and stuff. The good doctor selects Rodgers to be the test subject for a super soldier formula, much to the consternation of folks like British agent Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell) and U.S. Colonel Chester Phillips (Tommy Lee Jones). Even his best friend Bucky (Sebastian Stan, who is Romanian. DID YOU KNOW THAT?) can’t believe Steve’s luck. But when Nazi spies kill Erskine and unveil a new, technologically advanced sect called HYDRA, Steve quickly sets about proving his worth.

Thoughts: I really need the Avengers movie to be good. It was cool when the idea first got floated out in Iron Man, but I’m starting to get burned out on the build-up. Films like Iron Man 2 and Thor were uneven due to the Avengers side plot; Captain America is bookended by Avengers developments, distracting from an otherwise solid, gee-wiz sort of World War II action piece a la Indiana Jones. The creamy middle consists of a stellar cast (Seriously; everyone pulls their weight, just like in Thor), fun action sequences, and even a bit of humor. Yeah, Captain America gets hokey in spots, but that comes with the character. It’s even a little endearing.

If Avengers sucks, Captain America will be diminished. Which is a shame, since director Joe Johnston (The Wolfman, The Rocketeer) delivered a tightly paced, fun, but still emotionally rewarding movie. Yeah, it’s a little by-the-numbers as far as superhero movies go, but the cast elevates the script considerably. Evans sparks chemistry with just else everyone else in the cast, from his love interest Peggy to his enemy the Red Skull (Hugo Weaving, nerds’ go-to guy for anything dorky and intense). Another important difference is in how the movie switches up the superhero movie conventions. Steve doesn’t have Spider-man or Batman’s tortured psyches or Iron Man ‘n’ Thors’ issues with redemption. He just wants to do the right thing, and he won’t stop until he’s done his duty. In other movies, the superhero has to develop his personal code of ethics; Rodgers always knew where he stood even before he became Captain America. The character can be boiled down to a single line: “I don’t like bullies.”

I find that endearing, and while I take issues with the film’s ending (Not Johnston’s fault, but it still wastes some great opportunities to mine Marvel’s vaults), I still loved Captain America from start to finish.

Verdict: Seriously, give me an Invaders movie with Cap, Sub-Mariner, and the original Human Torch. Do it up.

Creepshow (1982)

Tagline: The most fun you’ll ever have BEING SCARED!

Curiosity: It’s a mash-up from Stephen King and George A. Romero (You might know him from a zombie movie or two or three).

Plot: Set up as a tribute to the horror comics of yesteryear, Creepshow opens on a little boy (King’s own son Joe, who now writes the pretty awesome Locke & Key series) getting yelled at by his dad (Tom Atkins, Night of the Creeps. He’s also one of several cast members to show up from The Fog) for reading trashy comics like, well, Creepshow. After Atkins throw out the first issue, the film jumps into a series of horror vignettes.

Thoughts: While it could never be considered a major work from any of the cast or crew, Creepshow is still a charming little horror movie. Compared to today’s standards, ’80s horror movies, or even just Romero’s work alone, it’s tame in the gore ‘n’ violence area. But King’s script crackles with humor, lending the film a lot of extra appeal. He also turns in a hilarious performance as a yokel who finds a meteor. Much has been written about King’s acting being subpar at best, embarrassing at worst, but I honestly thought his bug-eyed overacting actually suited the material. Plus, it’s Stephen freaking King. If the author of Carrie, Cujo, and The Eyes of the Dragon wants to ham it up, so be it.

Despite running two hours, Creepshow keeps moving at a fine pace, jumping from one macabre tale to the next. The strongest of the bunch is clearly “Something to Tide You Over,” in which Leslie Nielsen takes revenge on Ted Danson for stealing his wife. It comes right after King’s bit, so it’s a refreshing antidote to all the overacting. The two thespians strike a nice balance between drama and humor, which is exactly what the film overall set out to achieve. Of course, I’m fond of the closing skit, “They’re Creeping Up on You,” in which Romero’s good friend Tom Savini gets to cut loose some creepy effects.

Reflection: Honestly, I could see myself using this to ease my kids into the horror genre.

Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky (1991)

Tagline: It’s Evil Dead 2, Braindead, and The Matrix, times ten, turned up to 11!

Curiosity: Patch.com editor Sam Fran Scavuzzo loves this movie. That dude is dark. Also, one of the fights was a staple on The Daily Show during the increasingly distant Craig Kilborn period.

Plot: Set in the distant future (2001), Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky tells the story of some guy named Ricky (Siu-Wong Fan) who is 1) awesome at kung-fu and 2) in prison for reasons no one understands. But as Ricky begins taking out crime lords one by one, it becomes clear why he’s really here: To kung-fu kick the opium market right in the nards.

Thoughts: There’s something about Riki-Oh that is so absurdly, graphically violent that it becomes hilarious. Horror movies have suffering through a terrible torture porn period, in which movies that lack substance glorify debasing the human form. None of those flicks, like the Saw franchise for example, matches Riki-Oh’s level of gore. The guy just wrecks people:

At just shy of 90 minutes in length, Story of Ricky manages to move along at a brisk pace. The fight scenes aren’t too great on a technical level and the storytelling is ho-hum, but the special effects, cheap as they appear at times, are hi-larious. It’s a little more straight faced than, say, Kung Fu Hustle, but it’s still an entertaining comedy as much as it is an action/martial arts flick.

Reflection: My fiancée and I had a cultural exchange this weekend featuring Tree of Life and Story of Ricky. I like my movie better.

Tree of Life (2011)

Tagline: OH HEY DINOSAURS!

Curiosity: The buzz has been good, Brad Pitt has shown excellent taste in projects recently, and my fiancée wanted to see it.

Plot: Tree of Life’s plot is almost beside the point, but here goes: Jack (Sean Penn) reflects on his past, specifically on his father and mother (Pitt and Jessica Chastain, who are more remarkable but whose characters are never named) and their different parenting techniques, as well as his brother who died at 19. The film is primarily made up of impressionistic snapshots from Jack’s youth.

ALSO DINOSAURS SHOW UP.

Thoughts: Oddly enough, Michelle and I developed an award after seeing another Pitt vehicle: The Assassination of Jesse James By the Coward Robert Ford inspired the “Most Beautiful Piece of Shit of the Year” award. Both films possess amazing cinematography, but lack compelling storytelling. In Assassination’s case, the film relied too much on narration (a tool of the lazy screenwriter) and long, uncomfortable, nearly homoerotic pauses between cowboys. Tree’s problem is that it doesn’t go anywhere.

Which is a shame, because while it’s an awfully slow movie, I was still really, really plugged in for the first 90 minutes or so. The film opens with some surreal, artsy scenes establishing the family’s dynamic. Then we get hit with a powerful series of shots as characters react to Jack’s brother dying. Then the film juxtaposes this very personal tragedy against all of existence, literally. We get shots of volcanoes erupting and planets forming and dinosaurs hanging out. And it looks darn good too. The dinos are CGI, but they look decent. Primarily, though, the special effects were handled Douglas Trumbull, who came out of retirement as a favor for director Terrence Malick.

What’s funny, to me at least, is that the universe stuff made me think of 2001: A Space Odyssey, which Trumbull just so happened to work on, as well as Blade Runner, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and Star Trek: The Motion Picture. The guy comes from an older, better stock of special effects coordinators, and it shows. Tree of Life is an emotional film about family, but it packs some gorgeous sci-fi visuals along the way, proving while computers make filmmaking easier, they do not necessarily make them easier. Director of Cinematography Emmanuel Lubezki (who also did great work with films like Children of Men and, um, The Cat in the Hat) supplements these effects with a swirling cascade of shots that keep the viewer attached. Tree of Life is a marvel to look at, and proof that Hollywood needs to look backwards in order to move forwards.

But the script is sadly empty. Outside of Jack realizing he’s turning into a strict, bullish man just like his Navy-bred father, there’s little going on in terms of plot or character development. The movie never truly, definitively comments on the ideas it puts forth about life or death as concepts or as they apply to Jack’s brother and his passing’s impact on the family. Tree of Life had me for the first 90 minutes, but those final 50, where nothing happens, were a chore. While my fiancée and I certainly got a lot of mileage out of discussing the film and its meaning, it’s ultimately something I will never watch again.

Reflection: NEEDS MORE DINOSAURS PLEASE.

Thor (2011)

Tagline: Courage is immortal.

Curiosity: Overqualified cast and crew makes a wiz-bang comic book movie.

Plot: Thor (Chris Hemsworth, who I just realized rocked it in his one scene as Captain Kirk’s dad in the Star Trek reboot) is a totally ballin’ god of thunder. He’s got a sweet beard and everybody loves him. He’s about to take over as king of the magical land of Asgard from his father, Odin (Anthony Hopkins, who seems to have recovered nicely from The Wolfman), when a trio of Frost Giants infiltrate the palace. Frost Giants and Asgardians have an uneasy truce after a long way, and in response to this insubordination, Thor and his friends attack the Giants at home and nearly spark a second war until Odin intervenes. Infuriated with his son, Odin banishes Thor to Earth until he can learn how to not be such a knee-jerk asshole.

Then Jane (Natalie Portman) hits Thor with her car. Repeatedly.

Thoughts: Like the 2008 reboot The Incredible Hulk, Thor is about as good as it can be with a source material that I’m not particularly interested in. If anything, it’s superior to Hulk in that director Kenneth Branagh manages to take a way denser backstory and streamline it for mainstream audiences. Thor is several different movies. It’s a fantasy epic a la Lord of the Rings, with a dense mythology and a dash of psychedelic imagery. It’s also a comic book movie, with superpower and Marvel tie-ins. And when Hemsworth and Portman are left alone, it turns into Kate & Leopold.

But Branagh juggles all of these elements, never letting a single angle overwhelm the picture. The problem is that Thor at times comes off as manic and workmanline, jumping from action set pieces rapid fire while still shoehorning in human drama. It’s never boring, but it’s also never quite as fun Iron Man.

Still, the film gets a lot right. Like I wrote earlier, it takes a dense story and strips it to the essentials. Every character gets enough screen time for us to understand their importance and motivations [SPOILER: The lone exception is a new Marvel character that just kind of appears out of nowhere with little introduction. If I wasn’t familiar with Marvel comics, I’d probably be confused by such a high profile actor showing up for 10 seconds]. The film is heavy on fantasy without drowning the audience in explanation. And Kat Dennings shows up every few minutes with a spacey one-liner!

Thor isn’t quite an all-consuming blockbuster like Iron Man or The Dark Knight. But I suspect it will hold up on repeat viewings. I also have to say that Branagh found a worthy lead in Hemsworth. Dude strikes the right balance between bravado and ridiculous. He’s unafraid to go big with Thor, but he never tips over into melodrama. He also handles the bits of comedy Branagh slips in adeptly, so much so that my fiancee and I are still cracking up about those scenes a day later. I loved watching him gaze deeply into Stellan Skarsgård's eyes whilst drinking a shot/beer combo. I loved watching him pal around with Asgardian friends. I especially loved watching him get hit by Natalie Portman's car over and over. Also, that boy is cut. Yowza.

Side note #1: This movie does not need to be in 3-D.

Side note #2: The brouhaha about Norse gods being played by non-Nordic actors is stupid. Branagh cast this film based on skill, not skin tone, and it paid off.

Reflection: You know you’re fully in the Whole Foods cult when you can recognize random objects in the background like dish soap and know how good/bad they are for the environment.

Alien vs Ninja (2011)

Tagline: Hundreds of years ago… They fought back!

Curiosity: It’s got Aliens versing Ninjas!

Plot: A group of Inga ninjas are returning from a successful round of ninja-ing when they see a fireball rip through the sky. When they go to investigate, they encounter aliens! Fighting occurs. The ninja’s leader, Yamata (Masanori Mimoto), is determined to take the creatures down, doubly so when they kidnap his best friend (Shûji Kashiwabara).

Also there’s a lady ninja named Ren (Mika Hijii) and she gives lots of fan service.

Thoughts: Overall, I’m pleased as punch about my purchase of Alien vs Ninja. But man, that first half hour was just torture. Writer/director Seiji Chiba intended the film as a sci-fi/horror/comedy mash-up, and the initial 30 minutes rely way too heavily on stupid slapstick. The comedic foil (Ben Hiura) is so grating the way he brays and mugs. It’s very Japanese, I’ll put it that way, so expect lady-boys, screaming, slapping, and fan service. Lots of fan service. There’s a lot of dialogue and set-up in the beginning as well, and for a while I thought Alien vs Ninja might not have the budget to pull off its hilariously great idea.

But then things take off. Chiba himself said he wanted to take Ridley Scott’s Alien and present a more Japanese interpretation, so he opted to include ninjas because ninjas are cool. He realized the concept was goofy, though, so the film quickly took a self-aware sense of humor. The actually comedic bits fail hard, but the lack of restraint results in some stupid/awesome fight scenes. AvN actually does a nice job balancing CGI, wire work, and fight choreography. It’s not the best looking sci-fi flick out there, but it hides its budget well enough. It also doesn’t shy way from violence or gore. Interestingly, this Alien homage comes off more like a Predator rip – elite fighters in the woods do battle with an extraterrestrial adversary. While it ultimately comes off like an anime, that plays to the movie’s strengths.

Reflection: The creatures look like Alien meets Evangelion meets dolphins.

Eat Pray Love (2010)

[SNC is proud to present its first guest contribution, from none other than the inspiration for this very blog, my fiancee Michelle. Turns out she watches shitty movies too. This review makes me love The Expendables even more.]

Tagline: Let Yourself GO

Curiosity: During the two weeks I was home dying with some awful virus, my dad encouraged my mom and I to watch this movie for free On Demand. The 133 minutes just seemed too much to bear. As I got healthier, I kept thinking “I like watching movies with my mom,” “I like Julia Roberts...still,” and “someone I really respect told me this was a great book.” Oh, and I really wanted to see the shots of Italy.

Plot: A privileged white lady (Julia Roberts) living in a gorgeous house with a successful career as a writer (I know, right) realizes she doesn’t love her first of at least two husbands and the normal path of life (getting married and having babies) isn’t working for her. So, she lets hubby know how she’s feeling after attempting to pray...and then, starts banging this young, super lame, pseudophilosophical hottie (James Franco) moments after her divorce. (Score.) White lady/Liz Gilbert also is unhappy with said hottie, so she tells her BFF (who is the only lady who seems to have some sense aside from the cute Swedish blonde later) that she’s going on a yearlong journey to Italy, India, and Bali. The purpose of this journey is to find herself and change her life for the better, and the people she meets on the journey help her do so...?

[SPOILER: She’s still the same at the end, and ends up with another dude after trying to be alone.]

Thoughts: This painful telling of a woman finding herself made me do nothing but cringe and laugh. The protagonist comes off as a mysteriously wealthy, self-centered, leach in this trite tale. Her white people problems of not reaching self-actualization when you have all the means to are not unique. Though the basic plot should be one that millions of women can relate to and I, myself, should definitely be able to relate to, I could not care about Liz no matter how hard I tried. Her suffering is a suffering I’ve felt but would never call suffering; I’d call it life. And it is portrayed so lamely, that even though I typically have compassion and empathy just oozing out of me and I get paid to do so, it was nowhere to be found. I don’t know how her BFF, the aforementioned one with sense, whom had this great piece of dialogue at one point - “Liz, having a kid is kinda like getting a tattoo on your face. You should be certain it’s what you want” - put up with her.

The scenery of Italy was beautiful, and the friends Liz met there were sweet, even bordering on real for a few moments. I did like Liz’s philosophy on eating pizza and 40 lbs. worth of other Italian food: stop worrying about muffintops and enjoy, a man has never thrown you out of his bedroom after seeing you naked. And the scenes did make me hungry. I also liked when the little old Italian lady Liz rents from implies that all American women are foodies and tramps.

Next up was India: this was the most painful stretch of the movie. At times, I zoned out. I peed three times. I really wanted to slap Richard from Texas (Richard Jenkins). He was an obnoxious, know-it-all, whom is in recovery after almost killing his kid many years back and, again, we’re supposed to care about his problems and find him likable as he espouses bumper sticker wisdom to us. (I think Liz even calls it that at some point.) Liz also develops a relationship with a 17-year-old with a pre-arranged marriage; she can’t even have a reciprocal relationship with this poor adolescent, though, because she is thinking of her own wedding. SHE IS ALWAYS THINKING OF HERSELF AND HER PROBLEMS. Then, Liz goes to Bali, gets drunk and laughs too much at a naked guy, falls in love with Javier Bardem/Felipe, freaks out about falling in love/control of life, gets a bladder infection (so relatable!), AND decides to cruise the ocean with Felipe thus “letting go” because a toothless, wise, practically incomprehensible, guru tells Julia the whole lesson is LIFE IS CRAZY. (Suck it up, people.)

Reflection: If they hadn’t thrown in the plotline where Liz helps a mother and daughter by getting them 18,000 American dollars to put towards a home, I could honestly say this woman had no redeemable qualities. Since they did throw that in there, I just have to say I wasted what felt like 4 hours watching a film I will always call White Lady Problems. Also, I am hungry for pasta.