Predator (1987)

Curiosity: Arnold Brownschwagger and his muscley friends fight a monster in the jungle.

Plot: Super ripped, super sweaty CIA operative Dillon (Carl Weathers, Rocky I-IV, Happy Gilmore) hires Dutch (Brownschwagger) and his team of elite commandos to go into Central America and extract some American hostages. But when they get there, they realize they’ve been set up – twice. Dillon lied to Dutch so he could get him to take out a guerilla camp, knowing that Dutch would only comply if he thought it was a rescue mission. But neither of them knows that a third party has taken an interest in their activities, and is stalking their homoerotic adventures throughout the jungle…

Thoughts: Like a lot of Brownschwagger movies, Predator has an awesomely intense homoerotic visual style, with tons of ripped, muscle-bound dudes sweating all over each other. This one might be his gayest film, as Predator spends so much time establishing the characters as tough guys that they come out the other end, appearing effeminate. There’s a pair homoerotic relationships at play, first between Dutch and Dillon, but also between Mac (Bill Duke, Commando, Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit) and Blain (Jesse Ventura). Dutch and Dillon are comedically, over-the-top gay, complete with arm wrestling and one scene where Carl Weathers takes his shirt off for no particular reason. Mac and Blain, meanwhile, are more dialed down – they just really enjoy each other’s company, and the character development Mac goes through after Blain’s death is heartwrenching, as he mourns his lost lover with a mix of anger and sadness, eventually devolving into madness.

Or maybe ’80s action movies were just too melodramatic. Anyway, Predator is an awesome action/sci-fi/horror film. Going back, I was amazed at how slowly the original is paced. Compared to the loud wiz-bangs of the sequels, Predator has a precise, gradual style. If it wasn’t so action-packed, I’d compare it to the slow burn of Ridley Scott’s Alien.

I should probably clarify that Predator is slow to the extent that its main plot doesn’t kick in until about 40 minutes or so. That’s right; the predator doesn’t get around to doing stuff until the film is nearly halfway through. Up to that point, Predator is a straightforward ’80s action movie on par with Commando or Rambo: First Blood Part II. The alien hunter hangs out in the margins while Dutch and co. fight guerillas. Some people might see this as dragging out the running time, but in actuality, the movie is just asserting the badassery of the characters. Blain kicks the shit out of bad guys for the first half of the film, which is why it’s so intense when the Predator takes him out in seconds. Most films would just state this kind of stuff in the beginning, but Predator bothers to prove every character trait. And it even tosses in a couple of Ah-nold’s wonderful one-liners, like when he stabs a guy and then says, “Stick around.”

Reflection: Predator was jokingly written as a sequel to Rocky IV AND it stars Carl Weathers? TOO PERFECT.